Monsters in the Movies!

So many movies out and so many to watch lately. The A-Team seems good, Toy Story 3 seems worth watching (even if I am 21 years old and the cinema would be full of kids), Karate Kid seems like it's pretty good as well. Even Knight and Day doesn't look so bad with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Of course all of these except the last one are sequels and remakes which does make me question about originality in films these days (and my unoriginal choices in films). So I'm off to see a film that's not based of anything written before.

A few weeks ago I went to see Inception and I could go on about how complicated it was at first and how some parts of it didn't make much sense, but I'm not. First because that was the least of my concerns and secondly because I'm still yet to break down the whole plot! Instead my anger goes towards the things I love and hate in the cinema. So here's a list of Dos and Don'ts when watching a film.

DON'T sit at the front row of a cinema. I don't even know why cinemas even allow seats to be that close. Necks start hurting and I don't like it when I realise when I'm this close to the screen that Tom Cruise is actually taller than me!

DO bring your own drinks in to the cinema. Either sneak in a bag, hide it in your pockets/pants/bras or even distract the ticket guy from seeing them. Not like you're gonna pay 3 quid for a bottle of water and bag of sweets when they sell it for a quid next door. This mainly applies for drinks. Food varies and depends what you get. And on that note...

DON'T bring garlic or smelly foods into the cinema. I remember sitting behind someone who sneaked in a kebab into the cinema with a strong smell of garlic sauce. It was probably bad enough to drive Edward Cullen out and move back to hogwarts! Anyone with a massich stink should be sprayed with the nearest fire extinguisher until they've been moved out 5 miles away from the cinema screen...

(on a side note, DON'T ever reference Twilight, ever. I don't feel I should be encouraging such a film that has as many lovers/haters as Justin Beiber. and on that note, DON'T ever mention Justin Beiber to me. Ever.)

DO give tissues to anyone who cries in the cinema. If someone dies in the film or if there is reason to cry. Unless they're crying inappropriately such as crying when the Terminator dies in Terminator 1 or if someone dies in a horror flick, in which case DO slap some sense into them.

DON'T talk about what's going to happen next in the film to the person next to you. Inception was ruined for me when someone told me the ending (I'm not gonna mention who... *ahem* you know who you are!). Especially those people that talk out loud. I mean seriously, of all the places you decide to talk is in a cinema...These people should be punished by gagging them with a sock (preferably their own smelly ones).

DO attempt to sneak sleeping pills into the cinema. Not for yourself but for anyone around that does not follow these rules and them slip it in their drinks. Oh wait... that might be illegal...

DON'T take a girl to the cinema on a first date. It seems like a rubbish kind of night to get to know someone by going into a cinema where no one is (meant to be) talking. Unless you somehow achieved some sort of telepathic communication with your first date, I wouldn't recommend it.

DO actually understand what the film is about before the film. If you weren't expecting the toys to move in Toy Story, you are in for a big suprise!

DON'T make noises with your food. Slurping, loud crunching, inapproprate burps/farts. I think these speak for themselves.

and finally...DON'T ever watch 'The Knowing' featuring Nicholas Cage. I am still currently looking for the director of that film so I can kick them in the nuts.

anyway theres a list of dos and donts in the cinema. please respect the person next to you
and please...dont be a twat :)
and finally DO actually enjoy the movie.