The S Factor! (S stands for stale....) Part 1!

(And yes, the S stands for something else but I'll leave that to your imagination :) )

My most favourite show is back on(!)(sarcasm). More people who think they can sing try and prove that they can't sing and successfully doing so. I have probably hated this show since it started back in 2003, no wait, I did buy the G4 album... and Diana Vickers ain't too bad to look at.... but still hate it overall!

(I have now burnt that G4 album in a fire so no one ever realises that I have ever bought it...)

I hate this program so much that I decided to separate this blog into two parts! One for now and the other for when I decide that it's gone far enough!

There's a lot to say on why I don't watch it at all. I think every year I go on about how much I hate the show and everyone in them (okay, Cheryl Cole may be spared). If you're that good, do you really have to appear on it to prove that you are good? I mean yes some people are just shy at singing but appearing on TV in front of millions of people singing live isn't really going to cure it. Another thing I wonder is that are people actually serious in entering this or do they just want their 15 minutes of fame?

Since I don't want to sound like an absolute hypocrite/ranter/fool, I will force myself to watch some of the clips on Youtube and give a Simon Cowell-esque opinion on their talent. Time to put my trousers up, my hair slicked and my face all moodied up.

First up: Katie Waisal http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H48OwnS_NHw&feature=channel

Quote that stands out: "I wanna be huge! Not small. Freddie Mercury wasn't small. He was an idol!". Queen took about 3 years to actually hit the big time and it was only till the 3rd album that they hit the mainstream. No one becomes an idol overnight.

Anyway, on to the music, you get a pie on your face for forgetting the lyrics of 'We are the champions'. Especially if Mercury is actually your idol!. It's sort of like saying you love steak despite the fact that you are a vegetarian! It sounded pretty bland and dull...

And then you move on to the song she was meant to sing in the first place. One word: Meh. She sounds alright but the fact that you screw up Queen and then do well on her other song may mean that she is probably a one triok pony? Had I had the care to watch the next episode, then I might be proven wrong here. NEXT!

Next on the list: G&S (which i'm assuming means Goofy and Stupid) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvSEpZEAqfY

Wth is with everyone murdering Don't Stop Believing lately?! Yes it's a classic and unless you're drunk, Steve Perry (or have at least the vocal talent of him) or asking for me to slap you silly, you do NOT sing this song!

I don't find these bad singers funny, I find them cringeworthy and embarrassing to watch. We have one guy who looks like he's intentionally trying to make himself like a fool by dancing like a fool, singing out of tune like a fool and singing out of timing like a fool! As well as that, we have one other lady standing still letting the auto tuner to all the work. I feel that this auto tuning business manipulates the actual talent of a singer. Auto tuning typically works when it's either subtle or if it's intentional. Unfortunately this was designed to be subtle but sounds clearly fake.

And they only auto-tune one side?! what? they thought the other guy had singing talent but the girl didn't? the guy was so far off key and timing that it was useless? or perhaps they wanted to enhance the fact that the guy sucked by putting a robotic clear voice behind him? Wrong, Wrong and wrong! This duo would even fail this song on 'Rock Band' on easy mode! Someone build me a trap door so they can both fall through it!

Next up: Gamu Nhengu http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRG7N_koxF0

Wow that is heavily auto tuned! I'm not sure how to give an opinion on that one. Shoot the singer for not singing well enough to be auto tuned or shoot the sound guy for such poor auto-tuning? Sounds okay I guess but that's only because auto-tuned made it in tune. I'm not sure what to judge here. Maybe this girl actually can sing but behind the auto-tuner makes it hard for me to pass judgement.

This is probably why the X factor changed the format so that they can incorporate this AT thing. It's a bummer really and hard to tell what I'm listening to. They would be better off putting the mics on mute and let them mime it (ala TOTP) and they might be deemed passable.

And Finally: Shirlena Johnson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff7SkPF8IuQ&feature=channel

Comment says she was trained in opera singing. Then quote: "I've never done live, only karaoke singing". One of these facts seems VERY wrong and it's not the latter.

Again with the auto tuner! Can they use auto tuner to actually make someone sound crap for once?!

I get quite anal about people not singing the correct lyrics but this was closer to a remix than a rendition. Florence Welch singing 'You got the love' was a cover, Eminem rapping to 'Sing for the moment' was a rendition, Kurt Cobain's 'Man who sold the world' was a rendition, Muse's 'House of the rising sun' was a rendition...at a push. You get my point. This however was just a woman saying 'Thank You' in french over and over again. I hated the original and this version makes me want to hate it even more!

What is this? Improv? Lord have 'Mercy' on me and never let me hear this again!

Alright, I was a lil mean about this especially since she has a mental condition (so I've been told) but let her off easily! Don't encourage her by putting her through!


Right, I better take a breather and stop my endless ranting for the day. If you want me to criticise anyone else's singing, post a link and I will destroy it!


Ho is gonna go!

Monsters in the Movies!

So many movies out and so many to watch lately. The A-Team seems good, Toy Story 3 seems worth watching (even if I am 21 years old and the cinema would be full of kids), Karate Kid seems like it's pretty good as well. Even Knight and Day doesn't look so bad with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Of course all of these except the last one are sequels and remakes which does make me question about originality in films these days (and my unoriginal choices in films). So I'm off to see a film that's not based of anything written before.

A few weeks ago I went to see Inception and I could go on about how complicated it was at first and how some parts of it didn't make much sense, but I'm not. First because that was the least of my concerns and secondly because I'm still yet to break down the whole plot! Instead my anger goes towards the things I love and hate in the cinema. So here's a list of Dos and Don'ts when watching a film.

DON'T sit at the front row of a cinema. I don't even know why cinemas even allow seats to be that close. Necks start hurting and I don't like it when I realise when I'm this close to the screen that Tom Cruise is actually taller than me!

DO bring your own drinks in to the cinema. Either sneak in a bag, hide it in your pockets/pants/bras or even distract the ticket guy from seeing them. Not like you're gonna pay 3 quid for a bottle of water and bag of sweets when they sell it for a quid next door. This mainly applies for drinks. Food varies and depends what you get. And on that note...

DON'T bring garlic or smelly foods into the cinema. I remember sitting behind someone who sneaked in a kebab into the cinema with a strong smell of garlic sauce. It was probably bad enough to drive Edward Cullen out and move back to hogwarts! Anyone with a massich stink should be sprayed with the nearest fire extinguisher until they've been moved out 5 miles away from the cinema screen...

(on a side note, DON'T ever reference Twilight, ever. I don't feel I should be encouraging such a film that has as many lovers/haters as Justin Beiber. and on that note, DON'T ever mention Justin Beiber to me. Ever.)

DO give tissues to anyone who cries in the cinema. If someone dies in the film or if there is reason to cry. Unless they're crying inappropriately such as crying when the Terminator dies in Terminator 1 or if someone dies in a horror flick, in which case DO slap some sense into them.

DON'T talk about what's going to happen next in the film to the person next to you. Inception was ruined for me when someone told me the ending (I'm not gonna mention who... *ahem* you know who you are!). Especially those people that talk out loud. I mean seriously, of all the places you decide to talk is in a cinema...These people should be punished by gagging them with a sock (preferably their own smelly ones).

DO attempt to sneak sleeping pills into the cinema. Not for yourself but for anyone around that does not follow these rules and them slip it in their drinks. Oh wait... that might be illegal...

DON'T take a girl to the cinema on a first date. It seems like a rubbish kind of night to get to know someone by going into a cinema where no one is (meant to be) talking. Unless you somehow achieved some sort of telepathic communication with your first date, I wouldn't recommend it.

DO actually understand what the film is about before the film. If you weren't expecting the toys to move in Toy Story, you are in for a big suprise!

DON'T make noises with your food. Slurping, loud crunching, inapproprate burps/farts. I think these speak for themselves.

and finally...DON'T ever watch 'The Knowing' featuring Nicholas Cage. I am still currently looking for the director of that film so I can kick them in the nuts.

anyway theres a list of dos and donts in the cinema. please respect the person next to you
and please...dont be a twat :)
and finally DO actually enjoy the movie.