How to be a Bad Guy

If you're gonna be a bad guy in a video game, a movie or in a TV show, You're expected to be defeated eventually by the protagonist. While that is expected, I question how terrible some bad guys are so bad at being antagonists.

Bowser is a clear example of a terrible antagonist. I don't mean that he doesn't make a good rival. I mean he has these ridiculous plans to capture Princess Peach so that she can make him some 'cake' (which I swear is a euphemism for something dirty...). The guy is like 20 times bigger than Mario and yet Mario can still swing his tail around and throw him into a bunch of bombs in the field. Also, if Goombas and Koopas die by someone jumping on their heads, get them all to wear helmets!

And while on that, if you're going to take on someone where you have a massive advantage, don't give him an opportunity to let him beat you! In other words, if you have a specific weak point, cover it up! What clearly springs to mind is Star Wars: A New Hope where the death star blows up after a single plane flies in and shoots a missile into a hole and the whole thing blows up.... if that was a building in real life, the architect would've been hung, drawn and quartered for such a stupid error. (or in this case, Darth Vader would've probably been sacked.... but that just wouldn't make sense and would make the other 2 films obsolete...)

There are so many problems with bad guys. Including why bad guys always hire so many terrible minions. If they all keep getting beaten up by 1 person... You know something is amiss there. In fact, I reckon you've been hiring them from the wrong jobcentre and would probably consider looking for a new recruitment agency!

Also, when you have a list of demands, please make some sense, I'm pretty sure I've seen this in a lot of action films where 'If you don't give me £100 Million within the next 2 hours, I will blow up the earth!'. Because I'm sure blowing the earth will make them change their minds...

Another example is Dr. Robotnik from Sonic the Hedgehog. I don't know where he got his doctorate from but if you can't build a machine that can catch 1 hedgehog, then I begin to question where he got his Doctorate from... (most likely from University of Teesside. OH SNAP!)

*only jk to any person studying a Teesside uni, I'm only teasing :P

Voldemort's plan was to kill Harry Potter. You have a massive army of death eaters, you can control almost any wizard in the world and you are the most deadly wizard known to man...yet you couldn't kill Harry Potter with any of your spells... below is a list of possible items and solution that could kill him if you can't kill him with a spell:

* A Gun
* A Knife
* A frozen ice pick
* Poison
* An inch of water
* A machine gun
* A sharp object that could pierce human skin
* A rottweiler
* A knife disguised as a dildo
* A gun shaped like a banana
* Acid
* Throwing him into a pool of piranhas
* Throwing him into a pit of lava
* Disguising yourself as Dumbledore and killing him in his sleep
* Disguising yourself as anyone but yourself and killing him in his sleep
* Have I mentioned guns and knives yet?

etc. etc. etc.

To conclude, bad guys really need to shape up if they actually want to succeed in taking over the world/becoming rich/killing his or her arch rival/become a megalomaniac. By all means become evil and all but seriously have some common sense and you may actually get somewhere one day....